A San Jose man is in grave condition today after being burned in a house kitchen fire yesterday. The victim fifty-year-old Robert Kent lives in the single story house on Annapolis Way.
According to San Jose Fire Captain Rob Piper the fire was reported at around 3 p.m. The cause of the fire is being investigated but it was stated that there was no smoke detector in the house. The fire started in the kitchen and spread to the attic causing the entire house to be engulfed in smoke. The man was already surrounded by flames when the firefighters reached him, and suffered second and third degree burns on over fifty-percent of his body. Kent is listed in grave condition at Valley Medical Center in San Jose.
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Not bad ... but from your lead, it's unclear how he was burned in the fire. And it wasn't just a kitchen fire; the whole house was on fire. The kitchen is just where he was found.
ReplyDeleteYou've got some compelling details to work with: the guy was rescued by firefighters from his burning house; they found him on the kitchen floor, unconscious and surrounded by flames. This is dramatic stuff, right? So why not use some of that information in your lead, instead of near the end of this story?
* Keep your lead to one sentence
* Make it delayed ID since Kent is not well known; identify him in graph 2
* Use shorter paragraphs throughout
* 55-year-old Robert Kent or Kent, 55, ...
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